Retreat

How often we view the word retreat as a defeat. Retreat means to lose, to not be able to stand your ground, to us. And perhaps in a way that's true, I can't handle everything I've been faced with lately on my own. My stresses, trials, convictions, and worries have been wearing on me and last night came the breaking point. Not everything I've been dealing with is even bad, but there have been many changes that have come up quickly. And not everything is even my own burden, but rather burdens my loved ones are bearing, but I feel them keenly, as if  they were my own. Everything I'd been putting of dealing with and repressing exploded and suddenly I felt so defeated and lost. The Lord knew my breaking point was coming of course, and as we speak I sit in a condo in Breckenridge with a few of my good friends on a retreat. The point of a retreat is to regroup, to build your strength back up so you can fight another day, so you aren't crushed. I've clearly been relying on my own strength and understanding to try and deal with all the curve balls life has thrown at me. I needed this weekend to spend prolonged quiet time with the Lord, to read, to listen, and to not be so busy. I've been forgetting to take the Lord with me into battle. But I want to be able to say as Paul did, that I have run the race, fought the good fight, kept the faith. On this retreat I recognize and admit how weak I am by myself. I need the Lord always. I was so discouraged because I was thinking thoughts and wrestling with things I haven't in so long. I thought, "I've had victory here! Why is this still an issue for me? Where did that victory go?!" But victory in battle doesn't mean you never guard against that attack again, it doesn't mean it will never come back, it means you know how to defeat it. I know that I need to rest in the Lord, in his promises, and in his strength. When I am weak, then I am strong. I'm so glad I hit a place where I needed to retreat, because on Monday when I head back into normal life, I am not returning alone. How foolish to ever go into battle without our armor and our defender; may we never forget where our strength and power come from! Praise the Lord that when we retreat back to him, he is always there, ready. Asking, ok, are you ready to win now?