Beauty Instead of Ashes

"The Spirit of the Sovereign Lord is on me, because the Lord has anointed me to preach good news to the poor. He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim freedom for the captives and release from darkness for the prisoners, to proclaim the year of the Lord's favor and the day of vengeance of our God, to comfort all who mourn, and provide for those who grieve in Zion- to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of gladness instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair. They will be called oaks of righteousness, a planting of the Lord for the display of his splendor." Isaiah 61:1-3

Many have put forth the question as to what I'll be doing in Scotland, what exactly is an art ministry? There are a few layers to what I intend to do there; this is a vision the Lord has been cultivating in my heart for many years. First, the art that I create is one way in which I worship the Lord. As I put my work in shows and galleries throughout Edinburgh, my aim is to publicly proclaim the Gospel and have it be to the praise of his glory. The art will be accompanied by my artist statement which is something to this effect:

All art is an abstraction to some degree. We take our inspiration from life, nature, experiences, people, and a myriad of different things. There is one and only one artist that is an exception to this rule. The Lord God created everything, He needs no inspiration outside of himself, rather he is the source of all creativity. He is the master artist, we all are His apprentices. We are created in His image and His character is one that is creative, artistic, and beautiful. His body of work is incomparably diverse. We are surrounded by a glimpse of His glory in nature, but also in experiences. Our lives are complex works of art. I have seen Him replace beauty for ashes. He makes glorious lives from hearts that were broken. Passionate worshipers of people that persecuted His church. He creates art from the most unexpected means, displaying His workmanship in us. I was a broken life that He rescued. My art can only faintly echo the mastery of His work. I take metal, a material that is cold, hard, lifeless, and flat, and make a form that is delicate and communicates the life, beauty, and ephemeral qualities found in nature. The process to transform the material takes hammering, fire, and time to complete, not unlike our lives. The change is painful, but it is through this that beauty comes forth. There is purpose to the pain. (Below are a few images of my work to help further illuminate what I was just discussing)

                                     

Secondly, as I create work and dive into the world of galleries, lectures, and exhibits, I will build relationships and share my story of redemption with those whom I meet. Discussing our art is a great way to dive deep in our conversation very quickly and naturally. I plan to mentor and disciple people that I see come to faith or that are placed in my path there. I hope to also dialog with artists on different ways our gifts can glorify the Lord in the midst of a dark world.

All of that to say that these are my ideas and plans, this is what I hope to do, but the Lord could very well tweak and change things as I go. This is where my heart lies and what I intend when I say that I'll conduct an art ministry. I hope you catch the vision and get excited with me!

Freedom in Christ

Lately I've been seriously convicted on my misuse of this phrase. Do I seek to justify my actions or to look more like Christ? Sadly, most of the time, it's the former rather than the latter. In Galatians 2 and Acts 15 we see Paul strongly oppose those that say men must be circumcised. Titus wasn't and yet Timothy was. Was Timothy being legalistic? Of course not! He was called to minister to the Jews and knew that being uncircumcised would hinder the Gospel. Yet Titus was called to minister among the Gentiles, so he was not. Circumcision is nothing, it is the heart God is looking at. (1 Samuel 16:7) In 1 Corinthians 10 Paul discusses eating food that has been offered to idols. The conclusion is, "Whether you eat or drink, do it all for the glory of God." Can I say that that is my end goal? Is that the lens through which I filter all decisions? I mean everything. My jokes, my choice of movies, or pastimes. Every word that comes from my mouth. Not even close, but it should be. "For through the law I died to the law so that I might live for God." Galatians 2:19 The purpose of my freedom in Christ is not for me, not so I can do  whatever I want, but so I might be free to live for God instead of for the law. Do I look like a PG version of the world or do I look like Christ? What a radical difference that is! So my goal is to be more like Christ, not because I have a righteousness of my own, but because my savior died for me and deserves nothing less, because I have been crucified with Christ and it is him that lives in me.

Retreat

How often we view the word retreat as a defeat. Retreat means to lose, to not be able to stand your ground, to us. And perhaps in a way that's true, I can't handle everything I've been faced with lately on my own. My stresses, trials, convictions, and worries have been wearing on me and last night came the breaking point. Not everything I've been dealing with is even bad, but there have been many changes that have come up quickly. And not everything is even my own burden, but rather burdens my loved ones are bearing, but I feel them keenly, as if  they were my own. Everything I'd been putting of dealing with and repressing exploded and suddenly I felt so defeated and lost. The Lord knew my breaking point was coming of course, and as we speak I sit in a condo in Breckenridge with a few of my good friends on a retreat. The point of a retreat is to regroup, to build your strength back up so you can fight another day, so you aren't crushed. I've clearly been relying on my own strength and understanding to try and deal with all the curve balls life has thrown at me. I needed this weekend to spend prolonged quiet time with the Lord, to read, to listen, and to not be so busy. I've been forgetting to take the Lord with me into battle. But I want to be able to say as Paul did, that I have run the race, fought the good fight, kept the faith. On this retreat I recognize and admit how weak I am by myself. I need the Lord always. I was so discouraged because I was thinking thoughts and wrestling with things I haven't in so long. I thought, "I've had victory here! Why is this still an issue for me? Where did that victory go?!" But victory in battle doesn't mean you never guard against that attack again, it doesn't mean it will never come back, it means you know how to defeat it. I know that I need to rest in the Lord, in his promises, and in his strength. When I am weak, then I am strong. I'm so glad I hit a place where I needed to retreat, because on Monday when I head back into normal life, I am not returning alone. How foolish to ever go into battle without our armor and our defender; may we never forget where our strength and power come from! Praise the Lord that when we retreat back to him, he is always there, ready. Asking, ok, are you ready to win now?

Brushstrokes

As I was painting a mural I'm working on today I was reflecting on an artist's brushstrokes. I've often heard that brushstrokes are like finger prints. They are unique and reveal something about the one that left them behind. There is always something of the process left in the creation, adding to its beauty and novelty. What a shame it would be if paintings left no trace of the artist that created them. Consider the difference between a painting by Cezanne and Velazquez or Van Gogh and Delacroix. The brush strokes of a Van Gogh painting are often the first thing one notices. They are obvious and bold, however looking for the strokes in other paintings takes more time and a skilled eye. They are always present though, even in a Pollock; the way his hand flung paint at the canvas communicates something of him. The process of creating art is as important as the finished product.

How this reminds me of the art of our Lord! What are the brushstrokes in your life? In what manner has he painted you who you are? Christ learned obedience through suffering (Hebrews 5:8) I know I would not be who I am today without the scars from my past. But they are brush strokes, not blemishes. I would not know the redemption I now know without being as broken as I was. They are not something to hide, to be ashamed of. I've worried so long of how people will view me after they've heard my story. I wanted them to see me as I am now and not know what I was. But how much that diminishes the artist's handiwork! I should boast of my past so all can see the beauty God created from ashes. I see myself as a piece of work from someone like Robert Rauschenberg, like one of his combines. He created art from found objects and trash. What men meant for evil, God uses for good. That's his fingerprint, his brushstroke. He creates beauty from pain, from weakness, from evil.

The Art of Sanctification

“In every block of marble I see a statue as plain as though it stood before me, shaped and perfect in attitude and action. I have only to hew away the rough walls that imprison the lovely apparition to reveal it to the other eyes as mine see it.” Michelangelo

Today as I was talking with a dear friend, it struck me how much this is like our process of sanctification. When God sees us, he sees Christ, not the block of marble that we are. He loves us too much to let us stay as such. And so the master sculptor chips away at the parts of us that are unlike Christ. The removal is often painful. And even though I feel as if I started as the biggest block of marble, so much to remove, I've grown less and less attached to the rubble on the ground. I am excited for the master to carve, instead of wincing at his approaching chisel. In the beginning the sculptor uses a pitcher, a hefty chisel designed to quickly remove much material. But at times he must come in with fine tools to perfect a detail. I grow weary of my block and long to see a recognizable figure in the mirror. But I trust my sculptor, for he is master of all sculptors. I have confidence that he sees Christ instead of me, and that every blow, every chip, is used to bring me to that point. He will complete the work he has started in me; I press on for the day the rest of the world will see more of him and less of me, until then he sees Christ instead of me! How much grace that allows me to give others, for I am in such debt to grace myself.

Of course the analogy is not perfect, becoming Christ-like is not only a subtractive process but also an additive one. To leave the illustration at that would suggest that I am good at my core, which is clearly not the case. But it is only Christ in me, that new creation, that is now at my core that is the only good in me.

The Journey Begins!

A few months ago my pastor spoke about being a traveler, not an arriver. A traveler revels in the changes, loves the adventure of the unplanned and the unknown. An arriver has only the destination in mind and is thrown when things change and shift. Easy enough for me, right? I have a wanderlust, I love adventure. I want to travel and have unplanned and unexpected things happen. Part of this desire is what God used to call me to missions. And this certainly helped me approach all of my plans with an open hand to the Lord. I was beyond excited when during orientation with GEM it became clear to me He was calling me to Scotland, not Paris. (more on that in a bit) So I can be a traveler through a journey, on a trip, but can I be one in life? For example, can I be content when things don't change as quickly as I would like them to? Do I seize every opportunity and love every minute until God provides for me to be overseas? Honestly, no, not always. I am fighting the urge to see this time as a waiting period. I struggle with not wanting to build new friendships because I'll be leaving soon. I haven't been promised an arrival in Scotland, a spouse, children, or anything else we might wait for. I do have many promises though, that He will complete the work He has started in me,  that He has plans for me, He will work everything together for my good (to make me more Christ-like, this ain't no prosperity gospel!) that I am His child, my identity, my joy, and my completion are in Him. I require nothing else. My theme song for this season is "Be Thou My Vision." That is my prayer that I would stand firm and be blinded to the rest of the world by the great glory of the Lord.

I know a lot of you haven't heard about the shift in plans yet, so here's the news! I had confirmation to continue on the path I was on when I went to Lille this summer, you all know that. But I always had it on my heart to approach it all with an open hand. To be receptive to Him changing things and for me to cling to Him, not my plans. During orientation a few weeks ago I started feeling the old familiar longing for Ireland or Scotland. I've always been in love with that area and culture. But I genuinely have a love for France as well. It started more in late high school though as I started diving into art history. I also think the language is beautiful and took it in college. I wasn't hesitant at all about it at all. But my love for Ireland and Scotland runs deeper, to a more personal and private part of my heart. It's hard to explain. It just fits my soul. I didn't entertain thoughts of switching my destination however. I've been confident this whole time that the Lord would lead me and I didn't see it anywhere. No one had suggested Scotland. Until the Tuesday during orientation. Someone on staff sat next to me during lunch. We chatted about my heart for the arts in ministry and he had recently spoken with the team leader in Edinburgh ( I use the term "team" loosely, since it's a brand new field for GEM and his family are the only ones there) and saw his heart for the arts. Immediately I was overjoyed. After much prayer though I have decided this is definitely God's plan, that I pursue this. As I mentioned before though, I don't know the end result and I need to be a traveler with my life. Seizing every opportunity and enjoying every minute of the journey!

Exile

We all have our times of feeling in exile. This morning I was reading in Jeremiah 29 as he writes a letter to those in exile in Babylon these words from the Lord. He tells them to build houses, to marry, to make a home there. He warns them not to listen to diviners and false prophets giving them lies and false hope. Because they are not to put their hope in returning to Jerusalem, but rather in the Lord. 29:11-14 "'For I know the plans that I have for you,' declares the Lord, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all of your heart. I will be found by you,' declares the Lord, 'and will bring you back from captivity I will gather you from all the nations and places where I have banished you,' declares the Lord, 'and will bring you back to the place from which I carried you into exile.'" I've been learning this last month to put my hope in the Lord, not in my plans for Paris, or in the timing of them. I know that the Lord has plans for me, he will bring me fully out of my "exile." But he is doing amazing things while I've been in this stage. He's restoring me, as he restored Judah during and after their exile. He is teaching me and growing me. He has surrounded me by the most amazing support system and group of friends. He has plans and purpose in all of it. I want to find him, and to do so I must seek him with my whole heart. Yes, my plans for Paris are good, and they are to glorify God, but they are not what I have to look forward to. I am looking forward to and pressing on to the goal, I am seeking the Lord and doing whatever work he has for me. If he has me here another year, or 10, or only a few more months, there is everyday opportunities to further his kingdom and to do his will. There is perfection in his timing. He will bring us out of captivity, but in his perfect timing and his perfect way!